Love & Marriage

6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one’s house for love,
it would be utterly scorned. (Song of Songs 8:6-7)*


I have always imagined that one day, I will get married.

Even through countless uninspiring dates, the challenges of telling potential dates that I am a minister, and offers of an arranged marriage from friends in Sri Lanka with eligible cousins or brothers (or “cousin-brothers”)**, I have not given up hope that one day I will meet the right person, the person I want to make a commitment to emotionally, spiritually, financially, and legally. As frustrating as the search has been, and continues to be, I have the assurance of knowing that once I do fall in love and am ready to commit, I have that option. That is an option that could soon be permanently taken away from many of my friends in North Carolina.

Amendment One, which will be on the ballot May 8, would make marriage between a man and a woman the only legally recognized union in the state according to the constitution. Anyone who dreams of building a life with a partner of the same gender would be denied the legal, financial and civil benefits that come with state-sanctioned marriage.

If passed, this amendment would not stop anyone from falling in love. Same-sex couples will go on caring for one another, making faithful covenants to share their lives, and building futures together, just without the same rights and recognition as straight North Carolinians. Amendment advocates who push the “slippery slope” argument – that if we allow gay marriage, then the definition of marriage will somehow become less sacred – should know that the law cannot quench love. As a Christian, I believe that love is one of the most powerful forces that exists. As the church prepares to celebrate Easter, I am reminded that the love and faithfulness of Jesus was stronger than all the forces of the Roman Empire, stronger than the disapproval of the religious authorities of his time, stronger than the voices of the majority who urged their leaders to silence his teachings, stronger even than death.

Amendment One may take away the civil rights associated with marriage from our gay and lesbian neighbors, but it will not stop them from making the emotional and spiritual commitments that lie at the heart of a faithful covenant. And it is this non-legal aspect of a covenant relationship that, to me, truly defines marriage. Ironically, the pro-amendment push to define marriage, in order to protect the institution itself, may actually serve to present marriage as more about government recognition than about loving commitment. Legal rights are important, and meaningful, but they are not what define healthy, life-giving relationship. They are not what I dream about as I psych myself up to go on yet another first date, hoping to find a deep connection with another person.

For my friends of all genders, of all sexual orientations, of all the diverse types of family configurations and household types, I plan to vote against Amendment One.

For all residents of NC whose love defies a single definition and whose hopes and dreams and relationships are every bit as valid and important as my own, I plan to vote against Amendment One.

For all my lesbian sisters who have supported and listened to me through my dating ups and downs, who have cried and laughed with me through disappointing first dates and heartbreaks and ridiculous crushes (even as I’ve done the same with them), I plan to vote against Amendment One.

For all the couples – both gay and straight – who have been my role models of what a meaningful committed relationship should be, I plan to vote against Amendment One on May 8.



*Listen to Julie Lee’s beautiful song, Many Waters, based on this scripture: http://www.myspace.com/stillhouseroad/music/songs/many-waters-featuring-alison-krauss-142295

**In Sri Lanka, the term cousin-brothers /cousin-sisters is used for the children of two same-gender siblings (the children of two sisters or two brothers), as opposed to “cousins,” which are the children of a sister and a brother.