Are you sure?

"...I asked how can you ever be sure
that what you write is really
any good at all and he said you can't

you can't you can never be sure
you die without knowing
whether anything you wrote was any good
if you have to be sure don't write"

(Berryman, by W.S. Merwin)

This poem seemed an especially appropriate one to come across as I am trying to do more writing...and as I was trying to write a sermon the past few days. It fits well with my motto that kept me going through the last few months of Divinity School, too: "It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be done."

How much of our lives do we spend worrying about being perfect, rather than just living...how often do we keep ourselves from trying something because we fear we can't do it good enough? I know this is something I struggle with. It's something I'm working on - giving myself permission to fail, to not be perfect, to attempt things because they're worth doing, not because I am sure I will do them well.

For years, I avoided singing in public (well, except in a big chorus full of people so no one could hear MY voice). I was convinced I didn't sing well, and so no one should have to listen to me sing. But then I started singing along with our praise band at church, and realized that not only did I really enjoy it, but i wasn't too bad at it. Now, I'll step right up to the mic, and not worry about whether every note is perfect - I just sing with my heart and have fun.

My friends and I have formed a band, too. Not all of us are great -- I took 6 weeks of guitar lessons about 10 years ago -- but some of my favorite nights are when we gather around a firepit in someone's backyard and find ways to blend our ecclectic mix of instruments (guitars, mandolins, a banjo, a harmonica, Indian drums, A Native American flute...). We laugh and occasionally make something that sounds like real music, and I always end those nights feeling joyful and inspired.

You can never be sure...but who says you have to be? You just have to start.